You Don't Have to be Old to Die - Legacy Planning with Cindy Arledge

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this episode of Building Your life with John Browning Author and legacy advisor Cindy Arledge talks to us about the realities of legacy planning and how to do things the right way especially in that first family meeting. Spoiler alert – you don’t have to be old to die. Cindy is the author of four books including the Cur$e of Inheritance, How to Protect Your Family From Being Broke, Bitter and Blaming You. You can find out more about Cindy Here.

Welcome to the build your life podcast with John Browning. Build your life as a relaxed and unedited conversation with financial expert in number one Amazon best selling author, John Browning. John's the founder of Guardian Rock Wealth and serves clients across the United States. John's the author of the book build a life, not a portfolio, a guide to your financial future based on your personal values, which you can purchase on Amazon, or stay around to the end of today's show and I'll tell you how to get a free copy mailed right to your door. I'm Michael Delan Your House for the next few minutes as we chat with financial expert and business owner John Browning. Hello everyone, this is John Browning and this is another recording of the build your life this is our podcast that we do on a weekly basis. Michael Delan is not with us today because we have a guest speaker with us today. Is Is Cindy our lage, and we had you on one time before. I thought it was so amazing what you do and I don't know anyone else who does it, certainly not the way that you do it, and it's all about legacy planning and family planning. And it's something that's so important. And as I read your your book, the curse of an adherent and a couple things stood out to me. I as you wrote some of them down. Number one is eighty five percent of wealth transfers fail, in that they fail because the money's gone. After what was it twelve months or twenty four months or something? The money just disappears right. Well, you know, it's funny. got a little bit updated numbers on that, John. Okay, and before we get into that, by the way, thank you for having me here. I love what you do and I'm so supportive in what you do because it's all about your listener. So let's just start there. Thank you for having me back. Oh, I I love having you here. It's great. Well, and what I've discovered since I wrote that book is that seventy percent of families failed the first transfer and less than ten percent are able to keep their wealth past the third generation. So for my own family that meant that my parents, who had worked so hard the the wealth of be gone before it would benefit my grandkids. Yeah, and that when I when I wrote the book the Curseman Harens, that came out, I think, in two thousand and sixteen. So it's been a couple of years that I just couldn't have that happen, you know, and that really motivate motivated me on a personal level and then on professional level to make sure that other families don't have to they don't have to go through what we went through. Yeah, yeah, I'm so glad that you do this and it's something. As you and I were talking before we started recording here, maybe I don't have all of all of the things that I need to have, and here I am. You know, I'm a F I don't a professional financial advisor, but that's why I have folks like you on the podcast, because I'm what I'm really good at is helping people discover their best life and then using the tool, one of the tools that we have in our toolbox, one of the major ones, which we call money in our portfolios, to create that best life, and part of that's legacy planning. But the actual part of putting together that legacy plan I need people like you who can come alongside and partner. That our trustworthy. They're going to steer people in the right direction. They made this their life's work and their passion so again, thanks again for being on here with us. One of the things that people can do, by the...

...way, is they can go back to our previous podcast and and listen to what you had to say. They're but on this one we really wanted to concentrate on kind of that first family meeting, sort of what it is, why it happens or why it should happen and what goes on during that. So I'll stop talking and let you kind of tell us what is it, what do you mean by a first family meeting and what goes on during that? Well, and before we get to that, I just want to say also, John, don't feel bad about not knowing what you don't know. He I mean seriously, and you know, before I, you know, decided that this was my mission and passion life, I didn't have my stuff together and you know, in some respects were never always done. But there's a difference between eighty percent done well, there's a difference between zero percent done, you know, eighty percent done, ninety percent done, and then you know, from there it's just a continual process of improvement. So please, you know that. That's why I do what I do, because we don't know what we don't know. So let's get into some more of that, which is this initial family meeting and, you know, to give some background for the viewers who might not take the time to go back and listen to the other one. And you know, essentially my expertise is knowing why a family will fight over an inheritance and I know how to prevent it. And so this legacy planning piece that we that I put together this program is with that in mind. You know, and we talked about seventy percent of families lose well in the first transfer. So the first hurdle a family has to get through rout is to be able to get money to the next generation. It's just so simple. And so this initial family meeting is a way for the founders, I would consider your you a founder. I would consider myself a founder, to bring the family together and say hey, you know, I didn't know what I didn't know and now I know something more and I I want to tell you what I've learned because we're going to do this together. Z Makes Sense. Together is the key word. Yes, yes, together, because here's the rob the way traditional and state planning is set up right now is that you draft a document and you leave in a drawer, you never talk about it with your family and you you hope that that dry document has all the rules and all the regulations that will stand up in a court of law, is going to protect your family. And while it might serve the purpose of transferring your financial assets and other assets, it doesn't prepare your family. And you know, there's a thirty year study done for over threezero families and what they discovered is that the reasons that the wealth transfer failed is because of the family, not the documents. Yeah, right, yeah, because you get the personalities involved and and and feelings. Great, I mean legitimate, and these emotions, right, they all enter into it. Well, and I take life in a little because I've been through it, right, I mean I my parents. They tried to, you know, prepare us. They had done well financially. They went from depression, air babies broke to leave in a ten milliondollar state, had all the legal documents. Dad even tried to prepare me. He could see trouble, like I didn't believe him. Right, here's what I hear so much, John. That's not going to happen to our family. Yeah, right, right, right. And so we're in denial. It's not just a river in Egypt about what's going to happen. And yet I've yet to meet a parent that...

...said, Gosh, I hope my kids fight to the death over my money. None of us want right yeah, and it doesn't even have to be about money. I've seen a ten milliondollar state held up because of they were fighting over grandma's stool at the Lake House. Yeah, it's so back to legacy, planning the initial family meeting, you know, to prepare for that, I work with the founders for quite a while because I've got to lay the foundation with the founders. You know, want to you don't want to go into a meeting with your family and say this is the way it's going to be and this is what I want. And you know, because the chill dren typically have issues with their parents growing up. That's part of the spiritual process of that's part of humanity, is that we are not going to be an agreement with our parents for part of what we do to break up to become adults. Right yeah. And so I make sure that the founders are truly clear and what they hope to accomplish with this family meeting. Typically it is that they want to have clarity of what they want the family and their wealth to accomplish. They want to have. If you don't have a higher aspiration for your your family and your wealth, then it's very difficult to retain wealth because you're in what I call below the line thinking of scarcity. If you're in a scarcity mindset, money will disappear. For me, I say that to people all the time and nobody believes me. And it is there's never been more true statement, because it's that that mindset. I speak about mindset a lot, and even even people who are just starting out, if it's is really easy, because, you know, they're looking at wow, once I pay my rent, my you know, my loan to for school and and my car payment, my insuring, and Oh my goodness, there's nothing left over and they immediately go to that scarcity mindset and it kills them. It just it just derails their whole plan. Well, and because all I work with is like families and humanity and mindset and spirituality, and I mean I you know, I go deep. I read about seventy books. Well, so far I've read about seventy books this year and we're only nine months into the year, right. Yeah, yeah, I read up. Yeah, I thought I read a lot. Yeah, when I read a like a broad, broad category of books, because you never know what will help you when you're dealing with a heartbeat to heartbeat. Okay. And so one of the books I read this year is called power versus forced by Dr David Hawkins. He actually spent a lifetime studying the vibrational level of emotion and you have to get to courage and above to attract the things that you want. So, to your point, greed, fear, even fear is below the line of courage as a vibrational level. That was proven scientifically. So if you're vibrating in a fear base mindset, you are repelling money, which is exactly what happens when and something in your life, and maybe it's not necessarily quote unquote bad, but when something happens to make you you feel fearful, when you know you get that big bill from the US Treasury, you get that US treasure you got the CEO on and you're like, I...

...don't even have to read it, you know, like I got one this year. I got a thing from I'm like, oh no, what did I do. And you know what they were telling me is they like, we think you made an error on your tax return. We're sending you an extra fifteen hundred bucks. But my immediately went to a fear right and when you go there, you go to that scarcity mindset. Well, in here, you know, here's the thing. It's not a one and done. Wouldn't that be great? You just like one and done. I am abundant, but it's it's as we flow through life and life happens. And you know, I feel like we're in one of the biggest fear base cultures that I've ever experienced, really since the twin towers went down between covid and you know all this. Our culture right now is a very fear base culture right. Yeah, and one of the things that started me on this journey, this legacy planning journey, as I read a poem that was about a guy on his deathbed and how he was there and he wished that he had been better at changing the world and then he realized they couldn't change the world because it couldn't even change his own family. And he was like, well, if I've been better at changing my family, then maybe I could have changed the world and then he realized if I had changed myself, then perhaps I could have changed my family and from that perhaps I could have changed the world. Yeah, I think that's in your book, isn't it? That's I read that. Yeah, yeah, and so that is really the basis of everything I work with, with families, is I help the founders change themselves and that's why we work on conscious leadership. You know, oftentimes you'll be a business owner, you'll be the leader at Your Business and you'll be a parent, but you don't know what you don't know, which is to take the role of a conscious leadership at the family level. And we help our families write a book of Wisdom. Right. I bet you have so many experiences, John, that you've been through specific incidences that you were able to go from fear to abundance and my correct yes, I would agree. And you know, those things still happen. Yeah, yeah, I don't know that they'll ever stop. Where I go into that fear her because something happens and you just go there and and move. But moving from that to abundance is it's not easy, but you have you have to do it if you're going to be successful. Well, I'll tell you that's the secret sauce of what I do, because I actually have found it is easy when you know what it's. When you don't know what you don't know, that makes it hard, right, that's end. And so one of the other, many, of the many books that I read this year is written by a doctor that had a stroke back in one thousand nine hundred and ninety six and she recovered from it and she her name is Dr Joe Bolt Taylor, and you know, anybody can watch her ted talk. When she gave it in two thousand and eight, she thought there'd be about twelve or fifteen hundred people that would watch it, and now I think thirty million people have watched her her ted talk from two thousand and eight. And the question that she got from that talk was how can I reach that state of Nirvana that you reached without having to have a stroke to get there? And so she's her job in real life before she had her stroke was she's a brain scientist that studies the anatomy of the brain. And so after that Ted talk she she's like why? I don't know, and so she spent a couple decades researching that answer...

...and you just put our book out this year and it is change how I work with my clients and is so fascinating to understand why families fight over an inherences. It's the way our brains are wired. So it's really fascinating. You have I probably won't be able to turn to it right now, but you have a quoting your book that you just made me think of. I'm trying to find it real quick. I won't, won't be able to do it, but it's inheritance. You'll know it. Inheritance is viewed through the eyes of the receiver, but is it legacy? Is is looked at through the eyes of the giver, and Therein Lies The big difference. Yes, there is. There's absolutely a huge lack of they're just seen as two different things and you know, unless you recognize one of the I'll tell you a perfect example as if you've ever looked at a coke can, on one side of the Canon says coke and on the other side has a list of ingredients and nutritional value. And if you were sitting there, if we were sitting here, and I had the coke can, I'm like no, my cant says Cocacola and you're looking at it from your perspective. You're like no, no, it says nutritional value and sugar, and I'm like, no, it doesn't. If you turn that can around, then you can read the coke and I could do then intitional and then we could have a different conversation. At least have the conversation then. Yeah, and that's the conversation that families aren't having. That's just, you know, because we don't know what we don't know. We don't know what we don't know. And there's this again, fear. Right. I think there's a fear of telling our children our personal stuff. Right, it does it. It feels awkward, it feels just feels feels bad. I mean that's that's really the issue with so many things is how we feel and our emotions. But the the thought that there's a way to number one, prepare for the first meeting both sides and there's a process to go through what you have and and you've been through it and that's kind of that is what you do. It can make all the difference of the world. And I know we're running run up against our time, but I want to ask you two very important questions. Number one is, do you have to have thirty million dollars to think about these things? Absolutely not. In fact, I have to tell you just a quick story. I know of a family that the entire family no longer speaks to each other over twenty Fivezero, and if grandma had had one conversation it could have changed everything. All she had to do is explain to her son why she had made the decision that she made regarding her total, you know, estate, which was twenty Fivezero, so that he didn't feel like his mother loved his sister more than he loved her him. Yeah, yeah, and then that's the reason I said that was the number one question, is because so many people listening to this podcast. All of that doesn't apply to me. And one of the things that you also say in your book is how important it is. Like I think about first page or first couple pages. You say if you don't have a will, stop reading this book, even if you're eighteen years old. Stopped reading this book and go figure that out right now. And it's something that you know, especially eighteen year olds, don't ever think about, but once your child turns eighteen, you can walk into...

...the hospital and the doctor can't talk to you, you can't help make the decision if they're unable to do that. And another quote that I was just so many quotes that I like from you is you, I think it and I'll butcher it, but it's I believe you said you don't have to be old to die. Yeah, spoiler are you know. And and COVID is showing that. And you know, for me Covid, covid, is no different than what life was like before, except now it's harder to ignore right, right, and you know one of the things, and I'll tell you why billy isn't being told to get a will at eighteen because billy's mom and dad don't have a will. Yeah, yeah, seventeen percent of seniors over the age of seventy two still haven't gotten around to get in their will. Right, and there's reasons for that. I mean, our brains are wired to keep us safe and it makes us, you know, feel unsafe to even think or talk about our death. You know, it's taboo. You know, we just, you know, if you want to clear a room, you know, invite me and let's talk about aging, death and money. Yeah, and my poor family's got used to me asking total strangers if they have a will and if they have children, and then I hand them a free copy of my book. There you go. Yeah, and I hope they read it all. They don't have to read very far before they get some viable information. Yo. The second, second important question is number one. I'll repeat. The name of your book is the curse of inheritance. How to protect your family from being broke, bitter and blaming you. It's a great blok. I've read it one and a half time so far. I'm getting I'M gonna have two times here by this weekend, just because it's worth the second read. And what is the best way? So this is my second really important question. What is the best way for people to get in contact with you? People know that they can go to Guardian Rock wealthcom, hit the contact us and get in touch with me. They know they can text the word life, l Ifeed a twenty Onezero and they'll get all of my information and I am happy to talk with just about anyone if we're free, and talk to them about how to build a life, not a portfolio, because that's what I'm passionate about. But how do they get in touch with you to learn more about the secret of keeping families together and and having these conversations and preparing so that you don't end up with a family that's broke, bitter and blaming you. How do they get in touch with you? Well, I made it easier, John. You know, you can schedule time with me at no charge. I'm like you. I'm passionate about helping families. I'll talk to anybody no charge, and you can just got a wwww meat cindy our ledgecom. MEET CINDY OUR LEDGECOM. I like it super simple and there's a place there, I'm sure, where you can just fill in, you know, name, number, whatever, and they can just click on it and actually they can just go straight to my calendar and put themselves straight into my calendar, might you know? And there's a little video there about legacy planning. It will introduction shows you a picture of our family and how it's you know, it really just we have so much fun together because of our legacy planning. I mean that's the difference between legacy planning and a safe planning. As a legacy planning allows you to enjoy your family more fully. Now. So anyway meets in the RSCOM get on my schedule. I'll have a free conversation with anybody wants to do that. This is easy, people, this is super easy and it's so important and yet we still avoid it. So don't avoid it anymore. Get in touch with...

Cindy and and you can get in touch with me as well. And until next time, Cindy, I want to have you on again because you've got so much information. So we'll do a whole series and try and help people out as much as we can. Well, I love it, John, and you are such a cool guy and I just enjoy spending time with you. So thank you. See, my kids probably they've never said anything like that, that I'm such a cool guy. I don't know what it is. We can make that happen. Yeah, all right, all right. Well, thanks again for for spending the time and sharing your knowledge and we'll get together again. In fact, I think we've already got our next topic. I think we did even while we were just talking. Yep, yeah, let's talk about that next time. All right, we'll do. Money really is a big part of our lives, and John Browning can help you and your family learn how to keep money in the proper perspective. It's important, but it's only a tool that can help you build the life that you want. If you like, John Emeill you a free copy of his book build a life, not a portfolio. Go to John's website, Guardian Rock wealthcom, and click the contact to US link and send your request. John Will Mell a copy of his book right to your door absolutely free. Thanks for listening to building your life podcast with John Browning. Be Sure to subscribe to this podcast so each new episode will be sent to you automagically when it's released. Have a terrific day. Nothing in this podcast should be construed as personal investment advice and past performance is no guarantee of future results. Investing is not appropriate for everyone. There is a risk of loss associated with investing in the markets. No representation or implication is being made that using any methodology or system will generate profits or insure freedom from losses. Please remember that investing carries risk. Guardian Rock Wealth LLC and it's affiliates are fiduciary investment advisors. Please consult with US or another experienced, qualified investment advisor before making any investment decisions and or trying to implement any of the strategies and tactics we may discuss in any of our publications or podcasts.

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