You Don't Have to be Old to Die - Legacy Planning with Cindy Arledge

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this episode of Building Your life with John Browning Author and legacy advisor Cindy Arledge talks to us about the realities of legacy planning and how to do things the right way especially in that first family meeting. Spoiler alert – you don’t have to be old to die. Cindy is the author of four books including the Cur$e of Inheritance, How to Protect Your Family From Being Broke, Bitter and Blaming You. You can find out more about Cindy Here.

Welcome to the build your life podcastwith John Browning. Build your life as a relaxed and unedited conversation with financialexpert in number one Amazon best selling author, John Browning. John's the founder ofGuardian Rock Wealth and serves clients across the United States. John's the authorof the book build a life, not a portfolio, a guide to yourfinancial future based on your personal values, which you can purchase on Amazon,or stay around to the end of today's show and I'll tell you how toget a free copy mailed right to your door. I'm Michael Delan Your Housefor the next few minutes as we chat with financial expert and business owner JohnBrowning. Hello everyone, this is John Browning and this is another recording ofthe build your life this is our podcast that we do on a weekly basis. Michael Delan is not with us today because we have a guest speaker withus today. Is Is Cindy our lage, and we had you on one timebefore. I thought it was so amazing what you do and I don'tknow anyone else who does it, certainly not the way that you do it, and it's all about legacy planning and family planning. And it's something that'sso important. And as I read your your book, the curse of anadherent and a couple things stood out to me. I as you wrote someof them down. Number one is eighty five percent of wealth transfers fail,in that they fail because the money's gone. After what was it twelve months ortwenty four months or something? The money just disappears right. Well,you know, it's funny. got a little bit updated numbers on that,John. Okay, and before we get into that, by the way,thank you for having me here. I love what you do and I'm sosupportive in what you do because it's all about your listener. So let's juststart there. Thank you for having me back. Oh, I I lovehaving you here. It's great. Well, and what I've discovered since I wrotethat book is that seventy percent of families failed the first transfer and lessthan ten percent are able to keep their wealth past the third generation. Sofor my own family that meant that my parents, who had worked so hardthe the wealth of be gone before it would benefit my grandkids. Yeah,and that when I when I wrote the book the Curseman Harens, that cameout, I think, in two thousand and sixteen. So it's been acouple of years that I just couldn't have that happen, you know, andthat really motivate motivated me on a personal level and then on professional level tomake sure that other families don't have to they don't have to go through whatwe went through. Yeah, yeah, I'm so glad that you do thisand it's something. As you and I were talking before we started recording here, maybe I don't have all of all of the things that I need tohave, and here I am. You know, I'm a F I don'ta professional financial advisor, but that's why I have folks like you on thepodcast, because I'm what I'm really good at is helping people discover their bestlife and then using the tool, one of the tools that we have inour toolbox, one of the major ones, which we call money in our portfolios, to create that best life, and part of that's legacy planning.But the actual part of putting together that legacy plan I need people like youwho can come alongside and partner. That our trustworthy. They're going to steerpeople in the right direction. They made this their life's work and their passionso again, thanks again for being on here with us. One of thethings that people can do, by the...

...way, is they can go backto our previous podcast and and listen to what you had to say. They'rebut on this one we really wanted to concentrate on kind of that first familymeeting, sort of what it is, why it happens or why it shouldhappen and what goes on during that. So I'll stop talking and let youkind of tell us what is it, what do you mean by a firstfamily meeting and what goes on during that? Well, and before we get tothat, I just want to say also, John, don't feel badabout not knowing what you don't know. He I mean seriously, and youknow, before I, you know, decided that this was my mission andpassion life, I didn't have my stuff together and you know, in somerespects were never always done. But there's a difference between eighty percent done well, there's a difference between zero percent done, you know, eighty percent done,ninety percent done, and then you know, from there it's just acontinual process of improvement. So please, you know that. That's why Ido what I do, because we don't know what we don't know. Solet's get into some more of that, which is this initial family meeting and, you know, to give some background for the viewers who might not takethe time to go back and listen to the other one. And you know, essentially my expertise is knowing why a family will fight over an inheritance andI know how to prevent it. And so this legacy planning piece that wethat I put together this program is with that in mind. You know,and we talked about seventy percent of families lose well in the first transfer.So the first hurdle a family has to get through rout is to be ableto get money to the next generation. It's just so simple. And sothis initial family meeting is a way for the founders, I would consider youryou a founder. I would consider myself a founder, to bring the familytogether and say hey, you know, I didn't know what I didn't knowand now I know something more and I I want to tell you what I'velearned because we're going to do this together. Z Makes Sense. Together is thekey word. Yes, yes, together, because here's the rob theway traditional and state planning is set up right now is that you draft adocument and you leave in a drawer, you never talk about it with yourfamily and you you hope that that dry document has all the rules and allthe regulations that will stand up in a court of law, is going toprotect your family. And while it might serve the purpose of transferring your financialassets and other assets, it doesn't prepare your family. And you know,there's a thirty year study done for over threezero families and what they discovered isthat the reasons that the wealth transfer failed is because of the family, notthe documents. Yeah, right, yeah, because you get the personalities involved andand and feelings. Great, I mean legitimate, and these emotions,right, they all enter into it. Well, and I take life ina little because I've been through it, right, I mean I my parents. They tried to, you know, prepare us. They had done wellfinancially. They went from depression, air babies broke to leave in a tenmilliondollar state, had all the legal documents. Dad even tried to prepare me.He could see trouble, like I didn't believe him. Right, here'swhat I hear so much, John. That's not going to happen to ourfamily. Yeah, right, right, right. And so we're in denial. It's not just a river in Egypt about what's going to happen. Andyet I've yet to meet a parent that...

...said, Gosh, I hope mykids fight to the death over my money. None of us want right yeah,and it doesn't even have to be about money. I've seen a tenmilliondollar state held up because of they were fighting over grandma's stool at the LakeHouse. Yeah, it's so back to legacy, planning the initial family meeting, you know, to prepare for that, I work with the founders for quitea while because I've got to lay the foundation with the founders. Youknow, want to you don't want to go into a meeting with your familyand say this is the way it's going to be and this is what Iwant. And you know, because the chill dren typically have issues with theirparents growing up. That's part of the spiritual process of that's part of humanity, is that we are not going to be an agreement with our parents forpart of what we do to break up to become adults. Right yeah.And so I make sure that the founders are truly clear and what they hopeto accomplish with this family meeting. Typically it is that they want to haveclarity of what they want the family and their wealth to accomplish. They wantto have. If you don't have a higher aspiration for your your family andyour wealth, then it's very difficult to retain wealth because you're in what Icall below the line thinking of scarcity. If you're in a scarcity mindset,money will disappear. For me, I say that to people all the timeand nobody believes me. And it is there's never been more true statement,because it's that that mindset. I speak about mindset a lot, and eveneven people who are just starting out, if it's is really easy, because, you know, they're looking at wow, once I pay my rent, myyou know, my loan to for school and and my car payment,my insuring, and Oh my goodness, there's nothing left over and they immediatelygo to that scarcity mindset and it kills them. It just it just derailstheir whole plan. Well, and because all I work with is like familiesand humanity and mindset and spirituality, and I mean I you know, Igo deep. I read about seventy books. Well, so far I've read aboutseventy books this year and we're only nine months into the year, right. Yeah, yeah, I read up. Yeah, I thought I read alot. Yeah, when I read a like a broad, broad categoryof books, because you never know what will help you when you're dealing witha heartbeat to heartbeat. Okay. And so one of the books I readthis year is called power versus forced by Dr David Hawkins. He actually spenta lifetime studying the vibrational level of emotion and you have to get to courageand above to attract the things that you want. So, to your point, greed, fear, even fear is below the line of courage as avibrational level. That was proven scientifically. So if you're vibrating in a fearbase mindset, you are repelling money, which is exactly what happens when andsomething in your life, and maybe it's not necessarily quote unquote bad, butwhen something happens to make you you feel fearful, when you know you getthat big bill from the US Treasury, you get that US treasure you gotthe CEO on and you're like, I...

...don't even have to read it,you know, like I got one this year. I got a thing fromI'm like, oh no, what did I do. And you know whatthey were telling me is they like, we think you made an error onyour tax return. We're sending you an extra fifteen hundred bucks. But myimmediately went to a fear right and when you go there, you go tothat scarcity mindset. Well, in here, you know, here's the thing.It's not a one and done. Wouldn't that be great? You justlike one and done. I am abundant, but it's it's as we flow throughlife and life happens. And you know, I feel like we're inone of the biggest fear base cultures that I've ever experienced, really since thetwin towers went down between covid and you know all this. Our culture rightnow is a very fear base culture right. Yeah, and one of the thingsthat started me on this journey, this legacy planning journey, as Iread a poem that was about a guy on his deathbed and how he wasthere and he wished that he had been better at changing the world and thenhe realized they couldn't change the world because it couldn't even change his own family. And he was like, well, if I've been better at changing myfamily, then maybe I could have changed the world and then he realized ifI had changed myself, then perhaps I could have changed my family and fromthat perhaps I could have changed the world. Yeah, I think that's in yourbook, isn't it? That's I read that. Yeah, yeah,and so that is really the basis of everything I work with, with families, is I help the founders change themselves and that's why we work on consciousleadership. You know, oftentimes you'll be a business owner, you'll be theleader at Your Business and you'll be a parent, but you don't know whatyou don't know, which is to take the role of a conscious leadership atthe family level. And we help our families write a book of Wisdom.Right. I bet you have so many experiences, John, that you've beenthrough specific incidences that you were able to go from fear to abundance and mycorrect yes, I would agree. And you know, those things still happen. Yeah, yeah, I don't know that they'll ever stop. Where Igo into that fear her because something happens and you just go there and andmove. But moving from that to abundance is it's not easy, but youhave you have to do it if you're going to be successful. Well,I'll tell you that's the secret sauce of what I do, because I actuallyhave found it is easy when you know what it's. When you don't knowwhat you don't know, that makes it hard, right, that's end.And so one of the other, many, of the many books that I readthis year is written by a doctor that had a stroke back in onethousand nine hundred and ninety six and she recovered from it and she her nameis Dr Joe Bolt Taylor, and you know, anybody can watch her tedtalk. When she gave it in two thousand and eight, she thought there'dbe about twelve or fifteen hundred people that would watch it, and now Ithink thirty million people have watched her her ted talk from two thousand and eight. And the question that she got from that talk was how can I reachthat state of Nirvana that you reached without having to have a stroke to getthere? And so she's her job in real life before she had her strokewas she's a brain scientist that studies the anatomy of the brain. And soafter that Ted talk she she's like why? I don't know, and so shespent a couple decades researching that answer...

...and you just put our book outthis year and it is change how I work with my clients and is sofascinating to understand why families fight over an inherences. It's the way our brainsare wired. So it's really fascinating. You have I probably won't be ableto turn to it right now, but you have a quoting your book thatyou just made me think of. I'm trying to find it real quick.I won't, won't be able to do it, but it's inheritance. You'llknow it. Inheritance is viewed through the eyes of the receiver, but isit legacy? Is is looked at through the eyes of the giver, andTherein Lies The big difference. Yes, there is. There's absolutely a hugelack of they're just seen as two different things and you know, unless yourecognize one of the I'll tell you a perfect example as if you've ever lookedat a coke can, on one side of the Canon says coke and onthe other side has a list of ingredients and nutritional value. And if youwere sitting there, if we were sitting here, and I had the cokecan, I'm like no, my cant says Cocacola and you're looking at itfrom your perspective. You're like no, no, it says nutritional value andsugar, and I'm like, no, it doesn't. If you turn thatcan around, then you can read the coke and I could do then intitionaland then we could have a different conversation. At least have the conversation then.Yeah, and that's the conversation that families aren't having. That's just,you know, because we don't know what we don't know. We don't knowwhat we don't know. And there's this again, fear. Right. Ithink there's a fear of telling our children our personal stuff. Right, itdoes it. It feels awkward, it feels just feels feels bad. Imean that's that's really the issue with so many things is how we feel andour emotions. But the the thought that there's a way to number one,prepare for the first meeting both sides and there's a process to go through whatyou have and and you've been through it and that's kind of that is whatyou do. It can make all the difference of the world. And Iknow we're running run up against our time, but I want to ask you twovery important questions. Number one is, do you have to have thirty milliondollars to think about these things? Absolutely not. In fact, Ihave to tell you just a quick story. I know of a family that theentire family no longer speaks to each other over twenty Fivezero, and ifgrandma had had one conversation it could have changed everything. All she had todo is explain to her son why she had made the decision that she maderegarding her total, you know, estate, which was twenty Fivezero, so thathe didn't feel like his mother loved his sister more than he loved herhim. Yeah, yeah, and then that's the reason I said that wasthe number one question, is because so many people listening to this podcast.All of that doesn't apply to me. And one of the things that youalso say in your book is how important it is. Like I think aboutfirst page or first couple pages. You say if you don't have a will, stop reading this book, even if you're eighteen years old. Stopped readingthis book and go figure that out right now. And it's something that youknow, especially eighteen year olds, don't ever think about, but once yourchild turns eighteen, you can walk into...

...the hospital and the doctor can't talkto you, you can't help make the decision if they're unable to do that. And another quote that I was just so many quotes that I like fromyou is you, I think it and I'll butcher it, but it's Ibelieve you said you don't have to be old to die. Yeah, spoilerare you know. And and COVID is showing that. And you know,for me Covid, covid, is no different than what life was like before, except now it's harder to ignore right, right, and you know one ofthe things, and I'll tell you why billy isn't being told to geta will at eighteen because billy's mom and dad don't have a will. Yeah, yeah, seventeen percent of seniors over the age of seventy two still haven'tgotten around to get in their will. Right, and there's reasons for that. I mean, our brains are wired to keep us safe and it makesus, you know, feel unsafe to even think or talk about our death. You know, it's taboo. You know, we just, you know, if you want to clear a room, you know, invite me and let'stalk about aging, death and money. Yeah, and my poor family's gotused to me asking total strangers if they have a will and if theyhave children, and then I hand them a free copy of my book.There you go. Yeah, and I hope they read it all. Theydon't have to read very far before they get some viable information. Yo.The second, second important question is number one. I'll repeat. The nameof your book is the curse of inheritance. How to protect your family from beingbroke, bitter and blaming you. It's a great blok. I've readit one and a half time so far. I'm getting I'M gonna have two timeshere by this weekend, just because it's worth the second read. Andwhat is the best way? So this is my second really important question.What is the best way for people to get in contact with you? Peopleknow that they can go to Guardian Rock wealthcom, hit the contact us andget in touch with me. They know they can text the word life,l Ifeed a twenty Onezero and they'll get all of my information and I amhappy to talk with just about anyone if we're free, and talk to themabout how to build a life, not a portfolio, because that's what I'mpassionate about. But how do they get in touch with you to learn moreabout the secret of keeping families together and and having these conversations and preparing sothat you don't end up with a family that's broke, bitter and blaming you. How do they get in touch with you? Well, I made iteasier, John. You know, you can schedule time with me at nocharge. I'm like you. I'm passionate about helping families. I'll talk toanybody no charge, and you can just got a wwww meat cindy our ledgecom. MEET CINDY OUR LEDGECOM. I like it super simple and there's a placethere, I'm sure, where you can just fill in, you know,name, number, whatever, and they can just click on it and actuallythey can just go straight to my calendar and put themselves straight into my calendar, might you know? And there's a little video there about legacy planning.It will introduction shows you a picture of our family and how it's you know, it really just we have so much fun together because of our legacy planning. I mean that's the difference between legacy planning and a safe planning. Asa legacy planning allows you to enjoy your family more fully. Now. Soanyway meets in the RSCOM get on my schedule. I'll have a free conversationwith anybody wants to do that. This is easy, people, this issuper easy and it's so important and yet we still avoid it. So don'tavoid it anymore. Get in touch with...

Cindy and and you can get intouch with me as well. And until next time, Cindy, I wantto have you on again because you've got so much information. So we'll doa whole series and try and help people out as much as we can.Well, I love it, John, and you are such a cool guyand I just enjoy spending time with you. So thank you. See, mykids probably they've never said anything like that, that I'm such a coolguy. I don't know what it is. We can make that happen. Yeah, all right, all right. Well, thanks again for for spendingthe time and sharing your knowledge and we'll get together again. In fact,I think we've already got our next topic. I think we did even while wewere just talking. Yep, yeah, let's talk about that next time.All right, we'll do. Money really is a big part of ourlives, and John Browning can help you and your family learn how to keepmoney in the proper perspective. It's important, but it's only a tool that canhelp you build the life that you want. If you like, JohnEmeill you a free copy of his book build a life, not a portfolio. Go to John's website, Guardian Rock wealthcom, and click the contact toUS link and send your request. John Will Mell a copy of his bookright to your door absolutely free. Thanks for listening to building your life podcastwith John Browning. Be Sure to subscribe to this podcast so each new episodewill be sent to you automagically when it's released. Have a terrific day.Nothing in this podcast should be construed as personal investment advice and past performance isno guarantee of future results. Investing is not appropriate for everyone. There isa risk of loss associated with investing in the markets. No representation or implicationis being made that using any methodology or system will generate profits or insure freedomfrom losses. Please remember that investing carries risk. Guardian Rock Wealth LLC andit's affiliates are fiduciary investment advisors. Please consult with US or another experienced,qualified investment advisor before making any investment decisions and or trying to implement any ofthe strategies and tactics we may discuss in any of our publications or podcasts.

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