When the Relatives come a knocking… Peer pressure, criticism.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

What do you do when a relative or peer puts pressure on you to release a bit of your money??? Listen to this sage advice from financial planning expert John Browning. John even gives you two scripts you can use to get out of that uncomfortable situation.

Welcome to the build your life podcast with John Brownie. Build your life as a relaxed and unedited conversation with financial expert John Browning. John's the founder of Guardian Rock Wealth, with offices in Hawaii, Colorado and Illinois. John's also the author of the book build a life, not a portfolio, a guide to your financial future based on your personal values, which you can purchase on Amazon, or stay around to the end of today's show and I'll tell you how to get a free copy mild right to your door. I'm Michael Dlan, your host for the next few minutes as we chat with financial expert, business owner and author John Brownie. Well, hello, John Browning. How's your day going, sir? Fantastic so far. Couldn't be happier. Good, I love that. I love that. Good Do. Good to see you again and looking forward to talking a little bit more about them finances and what some saying that you some things that you wrote in your book. Don't don't build a or build a life not a portfolio, but also some things ...

...that maybe didn't make it into those pages, which is why we have a podcast, and in one of those things I want to talk about today, John is is, what do you do as you're saving for retirement, let's say, and the relatives come and knocking, Uncle John or cousin cousin Louis come and they need some money or they have this investment thing that you really what do you do in that family? Career pressure comes in. You know, this is the dynamic that I think all of us have experienced probably at one point in our lives or another, and it's that I do that everybody. Everybody tends to think you have, number one, more money and resources than you probably actually do. And and the other is that you know somebody else is always better off than you. Yeah, and Yep, and you know, the attitude is, I don't have any money. You seem to...

...have a lot of money, so why can't you give me a little bit? They do give you the guilt trip and you feel bad and they feel bad and it's just not a good situation. And so what I think I've mentioned this before, what we often do is we set things up very deliberately from the beginning, or is early in the relationship is possible, so that I become the no guy. Yes, yea. You know, there's a few different ways to do that. I mean this goes all the way back to when you're on the playground and or maybe in high school and there was that peer pressure. Yep, well, in the right and you should take care of me and the family. If you want to be in the cool kids club, you will give to my organization, because you know I give to the Xyz Fund and this happens. Or I gave, I gave money...

...to get the new score board for the football team, and that's what my kids started last week too. It's right interesting how that works. So, I mean there's all sorts of ways that works for peer pressure and everything else, but the bottom line to remember is just like that kid on the playground, just like your parents told you when you were a teenager, don't be pushed around by anybody. Yeah, and in the book build a life, not a portfolio, the very first chapter is dedicated to what money means to you, not what money means to your friends, your family or somebody else you know. And that's really, really important to understand. And to not be bullied by somebody, even if it's a family member, because it's not that they're just necessarily just bullying you, but they're gonna fall those heart strings that you don't get on the playground right and you've got to find a way to deal with that. And if you don't have somebody like you, John, the the guy that says, well, you know what, I've got...

...to check with my advisor, because we've brought him and he's my advice. I do that in business. I've got an advisory board in business that I need to check with them on some big decisions and it's saved me a few times now, for me and bullied from the just making a dumb, dumbness think, but having you there, John, or somebody to say, well, I need to check with John Because he's my advisor and and we don't make any decisions without him, then it's easy to come back to you. Don't what John says. No, that's right. And even further than that, we the way that we set it up a lot of times, especially if there's a real problem and the client knows there's a bit of a problem, is we say tell when somebody comes to you and asked you that, let him know and I'll give you the script right here on the podcast. We're going to do that. Say I have a very strict financial play in my financial advisor executes all. I'll have to check with him on that. That's that's one. That's one way to do whatever. The other is if...

...you have a good conversational problem with your advisor, you say, you know what, we've got a budget for that. I'm gonna give you his information. You can give him a call and then my script is based on what we've decided. And there's probably is a budget. Maybe there's a budget for mom, maybe there's a budget for aunt's, uncle's whatever, or charitable organization. You know, we've already met our budget for this year. Maybe we'll reconsider next year or maybe it's right now. We are fully invested. We don't have any liquid funds at this point, so we're unable to really do anything right now and just be the soft no guy for them. That way the climate doesn't have to really worry about anything. The other way to do it, and this is for people. I mean a lot of people do want to be charitable, but you just can't give to everything. And if you make those split second decisions about who to give to you, suddenly you don't have any money for you. And that's right. VALU's hopes and dreams...

...and all that. You can set up a Cruta, corrupt we call them, just a charitable remainder trust and it's got planned giving throughout the year and there's a lot of reasons to set one of those things up and they can just say, listen to all my giving is done through my charitable organization and John Or XYZ financial advisers in charge of that or our board would have to vote on anything that goes up from that. That's another way to do it. That's good and those are really important things to to have options right, because it does take you off the hot seat in a sense. And the other aspect is you need it. You need to be planning. Are Your an advance with your finance. Is Always would flexibility, but you start in January. If you're just now starting to plan this year and it's January, you're a little behind the curve. So you should have your plan set out and that's a great way just go, because you know the person asking you for that money, that relative or whoever, they don't have a plan and...

...so it's a great way just to go, well, we have a plan and you're not part of it. But nicely, but letting John and his team, that Guardian Rock wellth be that, you know, play that the whole what good cop, bad cop thing, but I love the way you just said it. It's not that you're the bad cop in that you're pressuring, your being mean. You have a very polite, nice way of saying no, and there's probably nothing worse in the world than finding somebody who can say no politely. It's like they'll hang up the phone call well, he just said no, but that's what that's what you really need. So let me, let me encourage you that. If you if you want to, if you want to stop being the bad cop and you want somebody else to help you, I guess with all the bully factor or relatives or putting some distance between you, your money, your plan and anybody else, because it's not just a relative, it's, you know, nonprofits, it's everything right, peer per sure of all kinds. Reach out to John at Guardian rockwealth...

...and have that conversation. You can go to his website, can get a copy of his book and have a conversation with them, as zoom called, just talk with him, because he's been doing this for years. He's got scripts. That was really cool. I thought that script. That's a bonus right there. So you know he's if he's got that, he's got a whole lot, more so anything else. John. On peer pressure, criticism, bullying, and we didn't touch on you know, there's a there's often a lot of good reasons why somebody in your sphere might need some help and I certainly wouldn't discourage people from giving that help wisely, in a right way. But then there's also that point in this is an old saying that I've heard many times and I used it myself, especially with my kids, is a poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. And that's a little bit harsh right, because there's some especially these days with...

...the pandemic and everything else, there's some real good reasons why people, you know, don't have the money that they need and I think we need to be sensitive to that and do what we can to help. But we also have to be prudent and and and the other aspect of having you in their corner, John, is a client could call you and say, Johnny, you know, we really would like to help this this. What's the best way for us to do this? Or are we even in a position because you get strategies where you can move things around and because most of us would say what can I just catch in a for one Kay, and you'd be saying, yeah, that's probably not the best move, but let's do it this way. And that's where having John in your corner, the brilliance of him and Guardian Rock, well, they might be able to help you do something you want to do without hurting you financially putting you in a bad situation down the road. So there's we just actually had that conversation with several people over a year end. It wasn't just one plant but but several, and you know, their idea was, I just need to I just need to get x numbered off. And I said, well, one second, how...

...do you want to do that? Have you talked with your account and have you talked about what the tax consequences would be? And maybe we don't want to do it in December, maybe you don't want to do it in January because you're going to have to take some capital games, all those little things. And, by the way, you don't have to take an rd in two thousand and twenty. We don't know. You might have to take a rd or require minimum distribution from your I r are for in Ky in two thousand and twenty one. So let's just wait a few more days and do it in two thousand and twenty one. Little things like that is just kind of the way I think. And those people don't because they're not strange like I am, sir. Yeah, and they just don't have the wealth of experience right, and so that's why people need somebody like you in their corner. So, John, thanks for thanks for being there in the corner for some great advice a couple of good scripts to help with some peer pressure around money. So if you you need some help, just reach out to John and his team at Guardian rockwealthcom and we'll see you on the next episode.

All right, sounds good. Have a good one. Money really is a big part of our lives and John Browning can help you and your family learn how to keep money in the proper perspective. It's important, but it's only a tool that could help you build the life that you want. If you like, John Emilie a free copy of his book build a life, not a portfolio. Go to John's website, Guardian Rock wealthcom, and click the contact US link and send your request. John Will Mell a copy of his book right to your door absolutely free. Thanks for listening to building your life podcast with John Browning. Be Sure to subscribe to this podcast so each new episode will be sent to you automagically when it's released. Have a terrific day.

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