Tips for Discussing Retirement With Your Spouse

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Getting on the same page with your spouse regarding your retirement is critical. Listen to what financial expert, John Browning, shares from his experience working with couples. John's number one tip is to find out why your spouse doesn't want to discuss this topic. When you listen you'll learn many more reasons and what you can do to facilitate a great disucssion with your spouse. 

Welcome to the build your life podcast with John Browning. Build your life as a relaxed and unedited conversation your financial expert in number one Amazon best selling author, John Browning Jones the founder of Guardian Rock Wealth and serves clients across the United States. John's the author of the book build a life, not a portfolio, a guide to your financial future based on your personal values, which you can purchase on Amazon, or stay around to the end of today show and I'll tell you how to get a free copy mailed right to your door. I'm Michael The lawn, your host for the next few minutes as we chat with financial expert and business owner John Browning. Well, John Browning, hell, is your week treating you today, sir? Week, the week, is treating me just fine. Yeah, I don't know how I'm treating week, but the week we stream you. Okay, that's great. That's ...

...great because I we're gonna have a fun discussion today. I don't know if you know I I you're a guy who, you know, your kind of mechanically incline. You do a lot of stuff. You probably have used a bunch of duct tape in your life right yes, or more things than my wife would say it should have been letters for exactly. You know, it's got a thousand on one uses and I use it for all kinds of things and in part of it, when I looked at the topic that we're talking about today, I thought, you know, duct tape would might be a good a solution here, because what we're talking about is tips for discussing retirement with your spouse, and sometimes the spouse doesn't want to talk about and they just want to duct tape your mouth and say you're doing what to talking about it. But it's something that we really do need to talk about together and you of all people, John, probably have some great counsel because I'm sure you have sat there with numerous husbands and wives, maybe families, talking about these things, when one of them probably would rather be getting going to the dentist and getting a root canal then sitting with you. I'm guessing right.

Oh, for sure, for sure, I think if I had to put it a number on and I would say seventy, seventy five percent of the time one of the partners just does not want to be there. As a matter matter of fact, a lot of times I have to pull push proud say. I really need both of you to fee in on this conversation because, I mean, I've been married for thirty thirty two. Yeah, thirty, coming up, coming up on thirty two years. I had to know their mulations, sir. So I'm coming up on thirty two years and I know, even being married that long, we are not always on the same page, even though sometimes we think that we are. Yep, and with the money, topic of money and what you want to do with such a big portion of your life. You're going to be retired for arguably a long time, and guess what you're going to be? Hope, we hope right.

You're going to be together. And there's a little bit different together when you retire, that when you, or one of you or both of you, is going on to work for the better part of the day and you just come apart, come come apart for the better part of the day and you come together and you sleep a lot of that time. Suddenly you're together like all the time. We got a little bit of a taste of that during the coronavirus. Right. Sometimes I didn't work out as great as you. That's right. Could you go back to work and go to the park? Can you go to starbucks? Can you go go anywhere? Alete, I love you, but I need my space. Yeah, and so that's that's a lot, really a lot of what retirement can be for people. They need to they need a print plan for it. They need to communicate right and and you really need to communicate around these issues. Be for it's too late in a sense. So what kind of tips do you have for...

...just bringing up those conversations, for helping them get on the same page, for discussing things, because it is really import what have you learned through the years? How can you help people? The number one thing, and this is not very not going to sound very intelligent, but the number one thing is to find out what this what the party? WHO Doesn't want to be there? Why? Why don't they want to be there? Typically this is just really boring or the other side of the coin. A lot of types. This just uncomfortable. I don't want to talk about it. It's it's actually in this is a sad statistic, but it is one of the top three, and this is according to marriagecom. So this is what they could do. They research things about marriage and and I can tell you this is not the only place I've gotten is statistic, but it's one of the top three reasons for the divorce is the discussion and actions and what happens around money. And typically it's it's a number three and typically it's not having this question.

It's the not having the discussion that is the problem. So that please have the conversation, no matter how uncomfortable it is. But I have found that if I can find out why that other person doesn't really want to sort of be there and if it's the boring thing while, we can make this. We can make this fun. You know, we can. We can find a way. If they hate math, I can do things without any math and we can start talking about like real things, like what do you want to do in retirement? You'd be like to golf? Do you like fished? You like to do you like to nit? Do you like that? What it? Do you like the mountains? Do you like the ocean and things like? And then it gets began to get interested. Well, how do we accomplish that? Well, how do we build that best life? So that's one of the things. If it's just to dog on board...

...now, if it's uncomfortable, if that's the why. Then we got to go one more why and and say, well, why do you feel uncomfortable about that? And suddenly, a lot of times it becomes a marriage counseling session that we have to get through first, and I'm not a qualified marriage counselor, but I can sometimes get asked the right questions and be a bit of a mediator so that the things that they were worried about talking to their spouse about something they aren't worried about anymore, because we make things up in their mind. I'm talking about we, am talking about me to we make things so much worse than they really are. Most of the time. Yep, I thought he thought this and she thought that he thought that, and suddenly, when you actually ask the question with an independent third party that is not judging there in the room, and sometimes you have, sometimes I have...

...to interpret it's so I think what you're saying is and maybe the other spouse says that's not what he's saying. Like, let's let you have to decide or let's put her decide what they were really saying. Maybe you just need some clarification. Once we get through that, the discussion begins to flourish and things, things can get solved, plans can get made. Yeah, so it's just you find those breakthroughs and lots of good happens, but it really is it's finding out, asking those questions, listening, and I love I love your phrase there. You know, is this what you're saying or, you know, something like you were rephrasing, making sure you understood. Going back, while Stephen Cubby said in his seven half as of highly effective people, right, seek first understand, make sure we understand and then be understood,...

...and it's just so simple. But nobody teaches us that. We don't like it because it takes a long time. But what the clarity that you find on the other side of that. Things come together. It's like, oh well, this is really fun. Yep, and you know, you get to it's I can think this thing of thinking of examples, right, it's you get into the blame game. Yes, well, I would never bought that house, but you really wanted it all in the second both of you signed to contract. Right, so let's just kind of say we could have spoken of right before we got into that big mortgage claim. And so let's not talk about that anymore. Let's talk about what are we gonna do? What's the best thing for US looking forward? What are we going to do to move forward? It's right, how that you know. We both know we over spent for the house, the car, the boat, whatever it is. Okay, fine, lucky this. Get over that. Now that we're over that house, what are we going to do about it?...

How are we going to pry and how are we gonna maybe automating things so that we don't have to think about it? Have a discussion. Every single time there's almost always one person who wants to Bruce Canada, the spender and the other person's Saber, generally speaking, and got that and well, I'm not spending it on me, I'm spending it on the kids. Okay, great, but we spend it on the kids, are you sacrifice seing in the future so that your kids are then going to have to support you in retirement? It's just a matter of helping everybody think through it and not being judgmental. Maybe it's the right thing for you and your family to spend a lot of send your kids a hard root meal or whatever. That's the right thing for you. That's why I had right. I don't care what you think I care, but I don't. It's not my life that we're bling, it your life that we're building. So sort of forcing that discussion and making it an even level playing field for both the people to talk is a...

...big part of what we do. Yeah, and and that's so important because they don't. Honestly, most couples don't have a safe environment for which theaking go and do that. Right, if they go out to a restaurant, try to do that, it ends up in an argument. Usually they're not going to their pastors, they're not going to their friends, and so having you, I mean it's really is marriage acounseland it's very interesting. You phrased it that way. It's but it's a safe place because you have a judgment free zone. Right, you don't care if they kids go to Harvard or doesn't matter. What do you want and how to can I help you get there? But you really need to be aligned with one another and that alignment comes through communication, right. That's that's really really important. And and and it's funny, John, because people don't want to talk about death taxes, inflation and many times retirement, even though that's kind of what we're working for, living for and all that. That that Golden Day, but we don't...

...really we just think it's going to happen. And what? Yeah, it's going to happen, but it are you going to be prepared for it? And that preparation happens today when you have these discussions and start laying out, like we talked about last time, having the the right type of accounts, having the account set up properly. We talked about what two times ago, inflation and taxes. How does that play into your retirement planning? That's all a communication and it's not like this is going to be an ongoing discussion for you know, eight hours a week, every week. No, you do it once, then then you tweak it. Right, you tweak it maybe every quarter. Maybe you really don't talk about it a lot for all year. I mean that that's possible, depending on what you're playing is and and what your lives are like. Yeah, it might be a year before where you read get into a deep discussion. It doesn't have to be two, three, four our discussion, especially after that initial one. The initialouldn't be a little hard for right, but after that it really doesn't have to be that way. Yeah, and that's great. And so facilly facilitating that conversation...

...is a great reason. Called John Browning, Guardian Rock wealthcom. You can reach out to John and I can see you're going to get the call John. Hey, John, I need to have that conversation with my wife. Can we come see you and you can use it gonna. I can see it's going to happen. Okay, but that's okay because it is that conversation that needs to happen in order to help you build a life that you really want, to set things up properly and to help John Ask some questions that you're probably not asking yourself, and to facilitate that communication with your spouse to make sure you're on the same page, because that's really important. I mean good gala. You're married to each other and you're going to be together for a long time. You should make it the best thing you can possibly do, and that comes through just communication. and John's a great he's a master at it because he'd been doing it for so long. He just has some really good questions to help you. Think has a process in play. So Guardian Rock wealthcom to talk to John Browning and have a have an initial call...

...with him. A zoom call and see if see if he's a good fit for you and he can help you and your spouse actually have some great communication around this topic. So, John, wow, another great topic, another great episode of Your podcast. I always enjoy being here because it's so much fun and if you can make this fun, I know you can make talking about finances fun and just encourage people to reach out and have a conversation. So thanks again for the podcast and for being here. I'll look forward to our next discussion and what it might entail. So I'm great. We'll see you next time. All right, buddy, but by money really is a big part of our lives and John Browning can help you and your family learn how to keep money in the proper perspective. It's important, but it's only a tool that could help you build the life that you want. If you like, John Emilie a free copy of his book build a life, not a portfolio. Go to John's website, Guardian rockwealthcom, and click the contact...

US link and send your request. John Will Mell a copy of his book right to your door absolutely free. Thanks for listening to building your life podcast with John Browning. Be Sure to subscribe to this podcast, so each new episode will be sent to you automatically when it's released. Have a terrific day.

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