Important Marital Money Matters (with Gabriella Chang)

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

On today's episode, Financial expert and Amazon best-selling author John Browning talks with Gabriella Chang. Gabriela has her own podcast, the Magnetic Goddess where she helps women maintain healthy relationships and improve their lifestyles. We have a frank discussion about healthy relationships and the role money plays. You will learn: 1. The importance of balance in relationships 2. The importance of having regular conversations around the topic of your resources 3. Why the topic of money is typically one of the top reasons for marriage failures. You can reach Gabriella at www.theromancechat.comAnd you can always learn more when you Connect with John by texting "LIFE" to 21000 or GuardianRockWealth.com.

Welcome to the build your life podcast with John Browning. Build your life as a relaxed and unedited conversation with financial expert in number one Amazon best selling author, John Browning. John's the founder of Guardian Rock Wealth and serves clients across the United States. John's the author of the book build a life, not a portfolio, a guide to your financial future based on your personal values, which you can purchase on Amazon, or stay around to the end of today show and I'll tell you how to get a free copy mailed right to your door. I'm Michael The lawn, your host for the next few minutes as we chat with financial expert and business owner John Browning. Everyone, this is John Browning with the building your life podcast. We do this every single week and Michael Goal on the day is once again not with us, but in his place we have a special guest, Gabriella Chang, and Gabriella does a lot of work with women. I'm really excited to speak with her today. She has her own podcap cast called magnetic goddess. It's helping women establish healthy relationships and how to improve their lifestyle, and I'll let her introduce herself. She is in Florida. She has a really interesting background doing some really great stuff. I'll let her introduce herself and then we're going to chat just a little bit about some of what she does and what she's run into it her own personal experience, as well as how she helps other women. So, Gabriella, tell us a little bit about you. First of all, house, just right up front. How's the best way to get in touch with you? Hi, John, thank you so much. The best way is by going to the Romans CHATCOM and book your clarity session with me if you're interested in improving your dating and relationship patterns. All right, very good. And what was that again? It was what's the website again? They Romans...

...chatcom. Scottcom. Will put that in the show notes so everybody can see it down below. If you're looking at this on youtube or a Vimeo or wherever you consume your podcast. will put it in there so I'll be able to see it. But we just met. Goodness, what's it been? Three weeks ago? Right, three or four? Yeah, about three? Huh, Huh, yeah, yeah, so, and we were chatting a little bit that was really intrigued by what you are doing and helping women, basically kind of kind of empowering women. Yes, in a way, empowering and teaching them how to pretty much have the best life of a stir lives. You know, how to enjoy life, have to have pleasure and balance with, you know, a successful career, building a business, but you know, everything through the Lens of having a successful relationship with a healthy, conscious mass. Is Killing man cool. I like that. I've been I've been married. For those of you who listen to the podcast all the time knows know that I've been married over thirty years and there's been ups and downs in that and and a big part of it has been really the balance in our relationship. My wife, Christine, and I have you know, we've had times where it got out of out of balance and that was a problem. But we've had six children and three girls three boys, and trying to raise my daughters in a way that they are dependent upon their spouse but yet very independent as well. And of course this podcast really focuses on yes, building your life, but it's supported by your assets and portfolio. So it's in those financial matters and I know you've got some thoughts and some experiences to share with us. About you know, how you see the role, so to speak, of the woman in the relationship and maybe a little bit about...

...that balance. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Yes, and I appreciate you sharing your story about your children. You so lucky. You got three and three. I love that. I wish I will have one and one, but don't for me, you know, just to it gets a little hectic with six of them, but most of them are are grown now. There's only one still still going through high school. It's our last one and we've got our first, our first two grandchildren, so I feel really old now. Oh my God, are so beautiful. And yes, you know, it's so important to teach our children nowadays, specifically the differences between being dependent and also being independent, because there's a distortion going on with our generation and our current society where women were strong with we're independent and we don't need man. Well, if we don't need men, what are they there for? Because you know, I can assure your that deep down we yes, there are many reasons we don't need man and we can do it all. But however, it feels good to have a man next to us who's giving US support, who's just they're holding our hands or giving us a hug, which many times as all we want. Gentlemen, we don't want to this is important. You know, I always want to fix something. What's a problem? I mean, go fix it. You here, ranch, I want to fix it. No, times it's just you just need a hug. Yes, you said, that's like all I need. Two things. One thing I tell women. If you just want to vent out and share with him how you're feeling, then let him know before you you start. So kind of create that contract before you talk to him, right. And then for the gentleman, you know, if you know that you need to fix something, like the car is broken, like the they face is leaking, something is broken, go fix it, but don't try to fix or woman, we don't need to fixing. We don't need fixing.

That's right, that's right, and it's it's comment. And I will admit this is something problems with. Yeah, yes, because when you're trying to fix, which is your default, right man, defaulting to break, solving something or fixing something, it makes us feel and we feel offended. I'm not I'm smart enough, I can figure this out. Obviously I already thought about those solutions, but those are not the solutions I'm looking for. Yeah, so it kind of challenges our our brain, you know, and we don't like that. So it can create a lot of issues, right. Yeah, exactly. So, yes, just talking about like specifically finances and and how how we build our lives, not just their portfolio, but as we build our lives. Where are some of the things that you have run into and that you see as potentially being problem areas in a relationship? Yes, you know, that is a big issue right now, especially with women working and being so dependent and so strong and sometimes even making more money than he's making. That can create a lot of confusion and there is no rule to this. That is something that, you know, before the couple gets married, during the engagement or before they even moving together. You know, it's important to have this contracts and talk about these things, because when we don't do that, it creates a lot of issues. How, WHO'S gonna pay for this? How are going to divide our expenses? That is something up to the couple. Do you decide to do fifty to you decide to do join accounts and share all of your money, or do you decide to keep all your money separate, or maybe have one joint account and have your separate money as well and both of you contribute to the house. And how do you do all these things? You know? So that's something that the couple needs to decide before getting into a serious committer relationship living together.

Yeah, what do you think about that time? Yeah, I would be. I'm a hundred percent on board with that and the idea of talking about this stuff up front, because it can be uncomfortable, even even thirty years in is sometimes it can be uncomfortable to talk about because I'll have something that I'm just like it really annoys me that she spent x number of dollars on something that I feel is maybe frivolous, but to her it's like everything right. It means a lot here and vice versa. You know, I see this, wow, look at that new tool, I really need that new tool, and I go out and I spend all this money on this tool or whatever it is for me. Maybe it's golf or or whatever it is for that person. And if you haven't talked about that, if you don't, I call it mad money, like I have some money over here that that's mine, no questions ask I can go spend it, I can go waste it, I can just it's that and she has hers and once she what's important to her, she found I don't ask you, I'm not allowed to ask any questions about that. That's just one of the it seems like a little thing, but it can become so big. And one of the things I was really surprised about, Gabriella, as as I did more and more research into couples and and relationships and and the idea of building your life, not just your portfolio, is that it's falls right on their number three in most surveys as to why people get divorced. Yes, how is so high that, but that not understanding or misunderstanding the role of that money plays in the relationship, and that's it's just it's a it's bigger than most people realize and we tend to avoid those uncomfortable things. But if you're going to...

...get married, you're gonna live together, and this is something you need to have the discussion about the third party, by the way, because that third party, if they're skill at it, they're going to ask the why questions, the hard questions, in front of both of you and sort of force the issue, you have to respond and if I see one party of the couple that is not answering, when you see you can kind of tell you know they're not answering, force the issue. No, okay, John, you need to be quiet for a minute. Sally, I can tell you want to say something. What is it they want to say? And you don't allow the COP at all. No, it's nothing, you don't allow that. Right. MMM, things like that, and you know I think that. But you saying that. I just had the the thought that will save you hours of therapy, head aches, a lot of tears, a lot of slamming doors and divorce. You know, getting divorce is not easy, it is not cheap. So by just going to someone like you to ask for advice and counseling, even if they don't decide to do it your way or the way to you suggest, it will save a lot of headaches and heart aches at the ends. So I think that is vital for any relationship because the main reason people couple skills get divorce is communication. Yes, that's right. Not Having those contracts, and it's not just financial contracts that we need to discuss. There are a multitude of contracts that we have to discuss. Sometimes there are even silent contracts that we don't have to discuss, but we know this is a contract human I have h that's right. Well, we kind of talked to talk to a little bit about this in and...

...then this last a little bit, but as not not really, even as we get older. But I mean it can happen at any time that there's one person in the relationship that, you knows, some money just not their thing. They hate it, they'd rather go do something else or they'd rather concentrate on their career. And frankly, that's a lot of people right. There's very few people that are really nerdy like me, and money is my whole career and managing portfolios is kind of what I get up in the morning for. Right. I enjoy doing that. There's not too many people that are that are like me. But typically in a relationship one person canned just gravitates towards they always balanced check books, they always, you know, sign the contracts when it comes time to buy the car or whatever that might be. Have you run into some of the stuff like that, and what do you suggest or think about? Yes, absolutely, you know, and because I mainly work with women. I do have a lot of resistance from women when it comes to those conversations, because it's not that we lack it is not that we don't understand numbers, but it's just choosing who wants to have the roles of finances or the kids or the house or the different rules that we have to assume in you know, in a house, just a relationship is just like a business. You cannot have to Seeos, you cannot have to press dent's because you will always be bumping heads with each other. So there's always one who's leading in a certain situation and then there's the other one who's following and accepting. You can give your opinion, you can give your feedback, but at the end of the day the decision lies on one person and it's not like he's always going to have the right to make the decisions right, because that's where they issue comes with a lot of women feeling that...

...we don't want to go back to the s right where we didn't make any decisions in our opinions didn't matter. It's not about that. And but many women go to the other extreme. Word they are always competing and that power struggle can destroy a relationship, but when you have this contracts, when you're able to discuss who's going to handle the certain situations or the certain decisions that we have to make in our lives, who has the final saying and when it comes to finance, I was at least. You know, I was married for nine years. I got divorced four years ago and I remember when I was getting going through my divorce and, you know, finding my apartment, getting out of the House and rebuilding my life, I missed even though I was the one who and the relationship, I miss my eggs because he was the one taking care of all of finite, all of our finances, even though I was pleading all of our bills and I was giving him money to cover for all of our expenses, he was the one dealing, he was the one signing, he was the one pain that they passes and dealing with all of that stuff that I didn't have to worry about, that I just transfer the money right. But then it was my turn when I bought my house. It was my churn to go through the whole process and it was very complicated and difficult and many times I don't have time to do that. If I have a husband and help, if I have somebody who can take care of those things, I don't need to take care of that either. I don't need to put my nose where it doesn't need to be. Right. So we start a little by little, getting dependent on the other person. But what are some of the backup plants? What are some of the things that we can look for so that, you know, bad things happen, one is down or he passes or divorce? What are some of the things that we can start taking care of right now so that when they inevit inevitable happens, we, as women specifically, wouldn't feel scared. We don't feel, you know, like the world is ending and what wide you...

...now? And I don't know how to do any of these things because he always did it for me. You know, one of the tricks that Turks, to tips, whatever you want to call it, that my wife and I have used over the years is I would work with the check book and I'm kind of the numbers guys who attends to come my direction, but I would turn that or to her. I said, you need to learn how to do this, how this is done, kind of where all the accounts are and then she would do it for you know, she tried to do it for as little as possible, but I wanted her to learn how to do it and she saw the value with that. And the other thing that I see all the time when, you know, unfortunately, we men, we tend not to last as long as you as long as women do, and so we see this all the time where the man passes, the will passes away and and the woman and the relationship is suddenly like, I don't even know where the papers are, I don't know what's what's an estate plan? You know? If so, I always encourage couples to go together and do your first of all, if you don't have a will or if you don't have powers of attorney. Those are you who listen to this all the time? No, I'm constantly saying I can help get you in touch what. I'm not a lawyer, I'm not going to do this, but I have people I can get you in touch with that that I know and like and I trust, like Gabriella. She's not a lawyer either, but for what she does, I would clearly recommend her thinking. But we can get in touch, get you in touch with the right people to get your state plan in order, and then both members of this couple need to know exactly where all those accounts are, where those documents are, where is the insurance papers? But so often I find this all the time, usually two or three times a year with my clients. I find, even as much as I sort of preach about it, I find that this is a problem.

So yeah, keep in mind. And what will be your recommendation for women who don't want to do any of the numbers and they are resistant towards handling or managing anything of any of the finances or what will be the best way to ask him to teach her how to balance, how to teach her how to do all the numbers? I'M gonna careful not to stereotype here, but I'm going to say most men, unless they're trying to hide something, right, we like to teach. It makes us feel good. True, true, true, is, it really does. It is. So if you ask us as men, can you show me kind of how you do this and the way you phrases? I think is important. Yeah, can you show me how you do this, just so I at least kind of know where everything is and how everything works together, and I'd really just like to know that, I know, in case anything were to happen, and you know, if you got covid or something and I needed to handle things for a while whatever. Yeah, like that, that phrasing. I'd like to know how this happens so that I could do it. If I eat it too, I think is in and even suggesting. Can I just do it with you looking over my shoulder for a month, two months, three months, so that I learn it? That's what I would suggest. But I always suggest a vad idea of talking about it on a regular basis and maybe even setting aside a particular time, like I was always say you need to sell the site, a date night. Just because you're married doesn't mean you don't date anymore. Right. How? Why did that become a thing? But you said to side that date night. Well, maybe the first half hour once a week. Yeah, you're kind of a business unit, right.

So let's talk about the money thing. Maybe it's once a week, maybe it's once a month. So where we at? We're running out of money. is a month ending before you knows? The money ending before the month ends. You know that idea and we'll what are some of the things that we can do to solve for that problem and have that specific time where this is what we're discussing at this time. Yeah, because it can be uncomfortable, right, and you can. It's the first thing you want to abandon and not to yes, I absolutely recommend this to all of my ladies. If you are in a relationship and you want to improve and understand better what is happening, it is vital to have those schedule meetings. And many times, you know, especially as women, I do have the right to say, especially Oswaomen, we can just go and shoot and start talking and talking and talking. And many times men, especially after you came you come back from work, you just want to zone out. You just one space, you just want to turn on the TV and nothing is going on. But that is when we want to talk, that's when we we just want to we have all these things going on in our brains that you men don't understand, because it's easier for men to just turn off their brain and just focus on this area. For us women, is like everything is going on. So that's why we can seem crazy, because we even start acting like this, you know, but it's not that, it's just the way we are. So it is vital to schedule those meetings. Maybe once a week, baby, on a Sunday or a Monday after work, after dinner. Let's have one hour and talk about finances, let's talk about the problems, let's just talk about what's going on in our relationship so that we can get on the same page and ensure that we are driving this together right, because what happens many times is that couple just starts driving in different directions until there...

...is no communication, there is no love, there is no passion, Romans or anything. So it's important to have this weekly or monthly meetings. Definitely weekly dates, even if it's just staying at home, popcorn and a movie. Definitely having those weekly, you know, romantic, passionate dates. I call them sexy nights. It's important to happen. I agree hundred percent and I've been guilty. We have been guilty of not doing that for periods of time and especially when you get busy, when kids come along, careers, you know, get in, get in the way, you know, it's like, yeah, work late, you're coming on, you're slow, tired, right you. But setting the right time aside to do these things and and I would even say you know that whole topic of money. It might take maybe have to set aside an hour a week at the beginning, but soon, and trust me on this, when you get on the same railroad track and you're going in the same direction every day, it'll take fifteen, twenty minutes. Yeah, just just sort of touch base. What happened here here here. Okay, great, we're good, because once you're in the zone and you're flying together, it does you don't have to spend that much time on it because you spent the time up front. You and invested. You invested up front and relationship and both people understanding it. So yeah, you know, when you come together once a week and you choose, you you decide on your weekly goals, you scheduled that week and you put in the you know, let's have a business meeting, financial meeting, this day at this time. Do you agree or we go with that? Put it in the calendar. We can do shure calendars now, you know, with a smartphones, and also put in the sexy time, the sexy night, to put it in there, or whatever you want to call it. You know, put that time in there. So you know that is blocked. Nothing else happens there, unless the two of you decide to do something else, but it is blocked, just like you block a session with the doctor,...

...just like you block a session to go and shopping if you want, or whatever you want to do it. This is sacred time for your relationship and it must be blocked. Yeah, so that will help when things are difficult and got life gets too easy. You know, sometimes in those moments we cannot be spontaneous. We have to actually book our calendars a week or two weeks in advance, which is, you know, ripreneurs, many of us, that's what we do. Are Calendars are booked a month in advance. So I need to have everything that I'm going to do, my pleasure time is already built into my calendar. Otherwise I'm just gonna be go, go, go, go go and I never get to enjoy myself. Right exactly. Yeah, before we go, Gabriella, I want to want to thank you first of all, because you obviously have thought about this a lot. You've got a lot of experience with this. I want people to reach out to you and again, we'll put that spell out that I want to make sure everybody hears that, because some of this, some people just consume this over audio. Spell that out for us. Wanting to do that. That website, that is the best place for them to go is the Romans Chat. So that's going to be ts in Thomas H oh, sorry, see, I think Thomas h e. Romans are o m a and see e s h eight. Thatcome all right. The Romance Chat. Yescom go look and you will in your pots. PODCAST is is right there on the website. Magnetic Goddess. That's my podcast which I have just created. We are brand new and I'm excited because it's all about women. It's how to become that well rounded, intelligent, beautiful woman with poison elegance, all that...

...you want to be as a woman. Nobody looks down at you. You feel powerful, you feel strong, but also you feel playful, you feel happy with who you are as a woman and you get to actually be more like a woman and being comfortable in your own skin and your own shoes and just enjoy life the ways meant to be enjoyed for you. You can be strong, you can be powerful and independent, but if you are not enjoying life, you're blocking yourself from the beautiful world that we have, full of pleasure and enjoyment. Talk about that a lot here on this podcast and and with my clients, about the build a life, not just a portfolio, because so many of us get involved with a career. You don't happen to me. You get involved the career, you're working so hard in your you begin to get on this hamster wheel right the treadmill and you're not really going towards anything. So for maybe a bigger portfolio, but you're not building your life in the life that's going to bring you joy in the future. You're not investing in that and what that means for you is much different than what that means for me and and sitting down and talk with somebody like yourself or myself, one of our guys, is that we talked about that just as much as we talk about the actual portfolio and guarding against risk and all that other boring stuff. Right. We talked about what you really want and why you want it so and you know, John, just to close a little bit, you know quickly one of the reasons a lot of men going to the Hunster whill is because it increases testoster and when men are working, or women inclusive, when we are working, testosterone increases. And you know, I've been tested for my testosterone levels and it's always very high because I tend to just go, go, go, go and I don't stop for pleasure.

And when a woman just does that, just works and Works and she never drops into her heart, she never fills her body, she starts blocking all pleasure and it's all demanding, is all complaining and it's all dark pretty much. So as a woman, when you can find those little moments to increase your estrogen, to increase those happy Hormonestera Tonin your life is going to change. Your life is gonna be so much more Byron and full that you don't need to worry about not having everything that you want. You will have it. And the other thing I do with my clients is that we change from the DNA and that which you and I talked before, offline the DNA. DNA is where we store all of the beliefs we have about money. Money's evil. If I make money, I'M gonna lose my friends. Money is not good. You know, all of those things that have been injected in ourselves since you know, centuries ago we clear those. Yes, that's that. You just really well said. My one of my phrases that people who listen to me off and have heard me say is that money magnifies. So if your miserable person and you get more money, yeah, maybe it will be evil. Maybe you know, but but money is not inherently evil. And if you're a great person and you're going to do some great things with your assets, then when you get more money is going to be magnified. Yeah, and and you've got to make those decisions right. But ends that, yeah, what you're saying. You know, even if you are not happy, you think money is going to make you happy. Sure, go ahead, get all the money you want, but it's just got your unhappiness is going to magnify. So as you're making money, work on your DNA, work on your beliefs and work on overall, e. every single...

...aspect of your life to improve your overall happiness and well being. All right. Well, thanks everybody for listening in again, this is John Browning and Gabriella Chang on building your life with John Browning. If you need to get in touch with me, it's Guardian Rock wealthcom and you can reach up there into the contact us button, or you can just simply text the word life to twenty Onezero, so twenty Onezero and then life and then chat, and that's me. You get all of my links, including the link to this podcast. So we do this once a week and we'd love to hear from you. Talking to me, by the way, is free of charge. I will talk gladly with anyone, anybody that I can add some value Youtube, and we'd love to help you out, and I'm sure Gabriella would as well. So definitely go out into the romance chatcom and check her out and her podcast out. So we'll see you. Will see you soon, Gabriella. I am sure you're going to be at at one of the events that I'm at here in the next month, so I will be there. Thank you, John. Thank you so much everyone for listening in and I hope to care for you soon. All Right, see you. Money really is a big part of our life and John Browning can help you and your family learn how to keep money in the proper perspective. It's important, but it's only a tool that can help you build the life that you want. If you like John Emilie a free copy of his book build a life, not a portfolio. Go to John's website, Guardi in rock wealthcom, and click the contact to US link and send your request. John Will Mell a copy of his book right to your door absolutely free. Thanks for listening to building your life podcast with John Browning. Be Sure to subscribe to this podcast so each new episode will be sent to you automatically when it's released. Have a terrific day. Nothing in this podcast should be construed as personal investment advice and...

...past performance is no guarantee of future results. Investing is not appropriate for everyone. There is a risk of loss associated with investing in the markets. No representation or implication is being made that using any methodology or system will generate profits or insure freedom from losses. Please remember that investing carries risk. Guardian Rock Wealth LLC and its affiliates are fiduciary investment advisors. Please consult with US or another experienced, qualified investment advisor before making any investment decisions and or trying to implement any of the strategies and tactics we may discuss in any of our publications or podcasts.

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