Episode 41: Communication with Your Spouse About Retirement

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

On this episode of the Build Your Life Podcast with Financial Expert John Browning, we're discussing how to best communicate with your spouse about retirement.

The truth is that most couples avoid talking about money as much as possible, and that many couple have never discussed retirement at all. Listen in as John shares tips and advice on how to bring up the topic with your spouse and have a meaningful and important conversation.

For more information, visit www.GuardianRockWealth.com to learn more about what John can do for you. Or, give us a call at (312) 372-5000.

Welcome to the build your life podcast with John Browning. Build your life as a relaxed and unedited conversation with financial expert John Browning. John's the founder of Guardian Rock Wealth, with offices in Hawaii, Colorado and Illinois. John's also the author of the book build a life, not a portfolio, a guide to your financial future based on your personal values, which you can purchase on Amazon, or stay around to the end of today's show and I'll tell you how to get a free copy mild right to your door. I'm Michael D Lan, your host for the next few minutes as we chat with financial expert, business owner and author John Browning. Hello, John, welcome back to another great episode of Your podcast. How's the week treating you? We streat me really, really well. The weather's great and we're gonna we have big plans this weekend to get out and about nature and have some fun with the family. So everything's going well. Good for you. It's I know it's...

...been hard over there in Hawaii to get out because everything's been closed down on you. So I'm glad to hear that you are able to get out and do some things and and hopefully you'll have some good conversations with your wife and and your children, maybe some other people, and we want to talk about that, John, today we want to talk about the conversation. Is the communication between you and your wife or well, maybe maybe not in you specifically, but your clients and their spouse. When it turned, when it deals with retirement, do you find that couples do or don't talk about retirement very much? What have you found in your experience? I have found that they do not talk about retirement, just like they do not really talk about money in general, and money is really the first step and the second step is retirement. So that really never gets talked about. Wow. So it's been...

...interesting to me to studies that have come out about this and one of the ones have has been done by one of the major financial firms out there and they found that thirty six percent of couples have never even thought. When they interviewed and they said, well, have you ever thought about retirement, thirty six percent of them had never even, never really crossed their mind and then, on top of that, over fifty percent had not actually talked about retirement. That's crazy. What of they people? One of these people? That's that's crazy, especially since, and you may have some stats or some experience on this, but typically the man's going to die first, typically, right. And so it would just be prudent to have some conversations to say hey,...

...honey, when I'm gone, you're going to be okay. So let's make sure of that by laying out a plan, even if it's a simple plan, but to make sure that she's okay, because the last thing you want her to do is get caught off guard on that day. Right. So what what kind of counsel do you have for couples to begin conversations around money and retirement? Well, it's talk about first the things not to do, okay, and the one thing to do is do not talk about this subject when you're tired, when you're frustrated after a long day of work, and do schedule it. Say Hey, let's maybe it's going out to eat, maybe it's still less. Schedule a time. We really need to sit down and and talk about this subject, about retirement, and not just when you're fifty years old, but when you're thirty, even you're twenty, when...

...you just getting married. That should be one of the topics that you cover and not just for financial reasons. But again we get to this behavioral finance, which I talk about a lot. I know I'm notice sad. The whole is the whole point of my book building a life and not just a portfolio. And we tend to get financial advisors, tend to get all the way over here on the financial numbers side of things and forget how much emotions and real life is involved with that together. So that's that's a one thing to do is schedule that time and don't do it when you're tired or you're frustrated or anything else, because what you find, and this happens to us all the time, when we sit down with a with a couple, and I always try and have the conversation with the couple. I really don't like...

...having a conversation about financial planning with just the wife or just the husband. I need both of them together, because so often we're not on the same page as couples. And the one of the worst places to not be on the same page as with your finances. Well, it really is. And one of the thoughts that I had as you were talking about when to talk about this, scheduling a time, date or whatever, is to take it in small bites, right, don't. Let's not plan our entirement, our entire retirement, in one conversation, right, taking small bites and doing it over a period of time. And I bet you've got some resources or some experience that you could help from people walk down that pathway, right. That's right. Yeah, we have some very specific questions that we ask and again, we like to ask them with both spouses present and ask, ask the wife and make sure that she answers to sometimes the wife will take a back...

...seat and sometimes it's the guy who takes a back seat and the wife is sort of running things. This is about fifty split, I find and but you want to ask and you don't let the other spouse answer for the one that you're asking questions. That happens all the time, right, it's kind like they will nearly bake it because, yeah, exactly, exactly. So our big question is, what does retirement look like for you? And you know what you mean look like. Well, what is it that you would be your ideal thing to do if you had all week that you didn't have to go to work? What would you do? And you know, it's the younger they are, the more time it takes them to think about that. Right, right, well, and and you're tire with a long ways away from any of them. Right, yeah, and the reality is it'll change. Right when you're twenty. When you're twenty you want to go conquer...

...the world. When you're when you're fifty, you might just want to like, maybe I don't want to climb out of Everest anymore, but I want to like go and see it. Maybe I would take a helicopter ride around it. About that perfect? Yes, exactly. The other the other thing that that well and talking about that is the ideas. You said. They're going to change, but understanding how a spouse answers that question helps them communicate so that they can start building their current life to achieve that, because it is a long ways away. But if they're wanting to do something magnificent, they're going to have to make sure their lifestyle decisions today help fund that future retirement. We talked about that on two or three episodes ago, but having the communication is really, really important. So that was a good question. What does retirement look like for you? What about some other thoughts or questions...

...around that? Well, the other thing that we typically find out is that spouses don't like the same things. And you know what, there's no rule. When you get married, it's still death do you part, but there's no rule that says that I have to do every single thing with my spouse. Right. So my wife does not like swimming and diving and and all the stuff that you do here in Hawaii when you when you go in the ocean. She likes to get in the ocean. She can't. She's like, I'll leave the diving and all that stuff you. I love it. So that's what I do on my own. And to have that conversation in the hey, we don't have to spend twenty four. I actually that's probably a probably a bad idea for seven with my spouse. Anybody, you, not just my spouse, anybody. We're going to get on each other's nerves. So even that kind of a conversation where one, one member of the...

...couple realizes that, oh, so he likes to do something that's really really expensive and she likes to do something that's really, really expensive, you're going to have to come to a meeting of the minds. Okay, it's your turn. It's your turn whatever. Having that conversation early and having a plan just makes life so much easier. As you get older and you grow in the relationship and maybe kids are introduced into the relationship and things begin to change, you know, you continue having that conversation. Yeah, and it's important to have that conversation as a couple because, as I would you know, you're talking earlier in that question. What does retirement look like? Well, all the pictures I see, John, is I'm going to have this really you know, this thirty two foot sailboat on a beautiful island and my wife and I are going to be sitting on the Ed, you know, dangle on her feet, drinking wine, looking out the sunset. That's what retirement looks like, because that's all the pictures I ever see about it. That may not be my retirement right. So it's important for Dylan I to talk...

...about what is our retirement look like and what do we want to do, because, frank I'd rather to just travel and see my kids and grandkids then be on some sailboat personally. But it's what does it look like for us? And the only reason we've gotten to that point is because we've actually thought and talked about it. So you're doing good, good work there to get couples to talk about money and retirement with some of these questions. What do you have? Another great question, because you said I love this. What does retirement look like? But also what is your spouse like or enjoy? Those are great questions. What anything else? Yeah, well, whenever I have a couple that's maybe struggling with I don't really understand what's this touchy feeling stuff, you know, and they're they're having trouble, I'll show him a picture. I'll show them a picture of like, say, the Colorado Mountains, and then I'll show him a picture of, you know, a lake and then a picture of of the sailboat, and I'll say which one of these appeals most to you. Eight to nine times out of ten they pick...

...different pictures. Yeah, well, case. And what do you if I did that with you and your wife and I found somebody scuba diving and somebody doing, you know, cross stage or whatever your wife likes? Right, you're going to chick pick scuba dive in your wife's like? Not a chance, dude. Well, there's a great opportunity for a date night with your spouse to talk about money. How about that? That's right exactly. And then then you kind of get once they see those pictures, that almost always get some them started. And once they get started, well, let's let's forget about money. Let's forget about how much things cost. All right, let's just say, yeah, you pick the mountain, so log cabin in the mountains. You want to go camping, and what do you want to do? So all they pick love to have a log cabin and sit by the fire and the winter whatever. And then the other trust like that's cold, I don't want to do that. So you getting them deeper, deeper...

...conversation as well. Okay. And then he kind of come to a meeting of the mines, right, maybe they spend six months in the mountains and six months on the beach or or whatever. You know, you don't have to decide this stuff in one sitting. To your point, don't plan your whole retirement all at once, but you might come to sort of a meeting of the mines. Okay. What does okay say? You're sitting there in front of that fire, Michael, and you you're sitting there and you've got it, maybe your favorite book or whatever. Maybe you got your skis. Next to you for the next morning, whatever might be. How are you feeling? What? How's that make you feel? You don't have to worry about don't have to worry about where your next paychecks coming. You retired. How do you feel? I like a warm and cozy yeah, like I feel warm and cozy. This is good. This it gets people really another thing that tends to happen is people just look at it is such a huge goal based on where they are now. I, like, I can never...

...make it. That's right. Yes, with consistent planning and execution you can do a lot of the stuff. Yeah, well, that's there's that word again, John, consistent. That seems to be your word, which is really good because that you know, we did an episode a couple of times, a couple episodes ago, about the the three lies of retirement. I threw a fourth winn and you just threw a fifth one in of I can never get there. Well, you know, that is a lie, because you can with proper planning and consistency and you start early. The you know, and the thing I what you just said, and I hope somebody, I hope they hear this, is your plans can change. But the deal is if you're saving for that retirement, you're saving this pot of money. You're living your lifestyle, but that pot of money can be used for whatever you want. You may change and say you don't want to work, we're not going to go to the mountains, we're going to take a mission trip to to Golli as a couple. We're going to be there for a month and we want to do that every year. Okay, great, packed up.

Here you go. But you say for, you plan for you've been consistent. When you hit retirement, guess what? That's when you really make the that's when you execute whatever plans you want. You've made plans for the last thirty years consistently. Right, okay, that's right exactly. That's how it gets done. You can accomplish it. I always told my kids can't, never could do anything. Can't, never could do anything. Can I write that that? Can I use that with my daughter's yes, you can, you can steal that one. Can't, never could do anything. My Wife, the home school teacher, will really love that English. But that's okay. It gets the point across. Yeah, right, and I'm sure we'll have a conversation around the English language. Yes, right, it won't be about money, it'll be about my my vocabulary, and I'll just blame John, but that's okay. So let me just encourage people John, reach...

...out to you and and go to your website, Guardian Rock wealthcom, and have a conversation with John, because he'll help you have a conversation with your spouse to start talking about retirement and money and how to do it and how to plan and how to be consistent, because you really can do a lot of things when you start, and whether you're young or old, today's the day to begin. If you haven't already. John can help You Guardian Rock wealthcom. Reach out to him. John, thanks again for a great episode around tips for discussing a retirement and money with your spouse. Very, very good. I'm sure we'll come back to this one because it's really important. Thanks, Buddy. All right, thanks a lot. We'll see you next time. All righty. So, thanks for listening to the building your life podcast with John Brownie. Be Sure to subscribe to this podcast so each new episode will be sent to you automatically when it is released. Have a terrific day.

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