Episode 41: Communication with Your Spouse About Retirement

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

On this episode of the Build Your Life Podcast with Financial Expert John Browning, we're discussing how to best communicate with your spouse about retirement.

The truth is that most couples avoid talking about money as much as possible, and that many couple have never discussed retirement at all. Listen in as John shares tips and advice on how to bring up the topic with your spouse and have a meaningful and important conversation.

For more information, visit www.GuardianRockWealth.com to learn more about what John can do for you. Or, give us a call at (312) 372-5000.

Welcome to the build your life podcastwith John Brownie, build your life as a relaxed and unedited conversation withfinancial expert, John Browning John's the founder of Guardian Rock Wealthwith offices in Hawaii, Colorado and Illinois Johns. Also, the author of thebook build a life, not a portfolio, a guide to your financial future, basedon your personal values, which you can purchase on Amazon or stay around tothe end of today's show and I'll tell you how to get a free copymelld rightto your door. I' Michel Delon your host for the next few minutes, as we chatwith financial expert business owner and author John Trowning, hello, John Welcome back to anothergreat episode of Your podcast how's. The week trading you the weeks, treating me really reallywell the weather's great and we're GOINGNA. We have big plans this weekendto get out and bout in nature and have some fun with the family. Soeverything's going well good for you...

...it's! I know it's been hard over thereand Hawai to get out because everything's been closed down on you.So I'm glad to hear that you are able to get out and do some things and, andhopefully you'll have some good conversations with your wife and andyour children, maybe some other people, and we want to talk about that JohnToday. We want to talk about the conversations the communication betweenyou and your wife or well- maybe maybe not new, specifically, but your clientsand their spouse when it turn when it deals with retirement. Do you find that couples do or don't talk aboutretirement? Very much? What have you found in your experience? I have found that they do not talkabout retirement just like they do not really talk about money in general andmoney is really the first step and the second step is retirement, so thatreally never gets talked about wow. So...

...it's been interesting to me to studyis thathave come ut about this, and one of the ones havehas been done by one of the major financial firms out there and theyfound that thirty six percent of couples have never even thought when theyinterviewed and they said well, have you ever thought about retirement?Thirty, six percent of them had never even never really crossed their mindand that, on top of that, over fifty percent had not actuallytalked about retirement. That's crazy! One ore, the people, one of thesepeople do that's that's crazy, especially since, and you may have some stats or someexperience on this, but typically the man's going to die first, typicallyright, and so it would just be prudent...

...to have some conversations to say: Heyhoney when I'm gone, you're going to be okay, so let's make sure of that by layingout a plan, even if it's a simple plan, but to make sure that she's, okay,because the last thing you want her to do- is get caught off guard on that dayright. So what kind of counsel do you have forcouples to begin conversations around money and retirement wells talk about? First, the things notto do. Okay, and the one thing to do is do not talk about this subject whenyou're tired, when you're frustrated after a long day of work and doschedule, it say: Hey, let's, maybe it's going out to eat. Maybe it's still.Let's schedule a time, we really need to sit down n and talk about thissubject about retirement and not just when you're fifty years old, but whenyou're...

...thirty, even you'r twenty, when youjust get married, that yould be one of the topics that you cover and not justfor financial reasons. But again we get to this behavioral finance, which Italk about a lot. I knowi've noticed that the whole is the whole point of my book.Building a life not just a portfolio and we tend to get financial advisors,tend to get all the way over here on the financial number side of things andforget how much emotions and real life is involved with thattogether, ohthat's asthe one thing to do isschedule that time and don't do it when you're, tired or you're frustrated oranything else, because what you find- and this happens to to us all the timewhen we sit down with a with a couple- and I always try and have theconversation with a couple. I really...

...don't like having a conversation aboutfinancial planing with just the wife or just the husband. I mean both of themtogether because so often we're not on the same page as couplesand te one of the worst places to not be onthe same page as with your finances. Well, it really is, and one of thethoughts that that I had, as you were talking about when to talk about thisscheduling he time date or whatever, is to take it in small bites right, don'tlet's not plan our entirement o our entire retirement in one conversationright taking mall rights and doing it over a period of time- and I bet you've-got some resources or some experience that you could help. FSOM people walkdown that pathway right, that's right! Yeah! We have some veryspecific questions that we ask and again we like to ask them with the Wolf spouseas present and ask ask the wife and make sure that sheanswers, because sometimes the wife...

...will take a back seatnd. Sometimes it'st the guy who takes a backseat and and the wife is sort of running thing. Thisis Bot F. fifty split I find, and but you want to ask and you don't let theother spouse answer for the one that you're asking questions that hall thetime right, at's indflike, the Ol rerly wayit does exactly exactly so. Our big question is:What does retirement look like for you and you know wwhat, do you mean looklike well? What is it that you would be your idealthing to do? If you had all week that you didn't have to go to work? What would you do and you know, spe the younger? They are ththe more time it takes them to think about that right, right, well, an andretirement a long ways away from any of them. Righte reality is it'll change rightwhen you're twenty, when you're twenty...

...you want to go conquer the world whenyou're when you're fifty you might just want to like. Maybe I don't want toclimb Maunta everist anymore, but I want to like, go and see it. Maybei GN take ahelicopter ride around it. How about that perfect? Yes, exactly the other. The other thing that th welland talking about that is the ideas you said they're going tochange, but understanding how each spouse answers that question helps themcommunicate so that they can start building their current life to achievethat, because it is a long ways away. But if they're wanting to do somethingmagnificent, they're going to have to make sure their lifestyle decisionstoday help fund that future retirement. We talked about that on two or threeepisodes ago, but having the communication is really reallyimportant. So that was a good question. What does retirement look like for you?What about some other thoughts or...

...questions around that? Well, the other thing that we typicallyfind nout is that spouses don't like the same things, andyou know what there's no rule when you get married. It's still death to youpark, but there's no rule that says that I have to do every single thingwith my spouse right, so my wife does not like swimming and diving, an andall the stuff that you do here in Hawaii when you, when you go in theocean she likes to get in the Ocean Che can't she's like ill leave the divingand all that stuff to you. I love it. So that's what I do on my own and tohave that conversation and hey. We don't have to spend twenty four.Actually, that's, probably a pan bad idea, it's four! Seven with my spouse.Anybody not just my spouse, anybody we're going to get on each other'snerves. So even that kind of a conversation where...

...one one member of the couple realizesthat oh so he likes to do something- that's really really expensive and she likes to do something: That'sreally really expensive, you're going to have to come to a meaning of theminds. Okay, it's your turn. It's your turn! What, whatever? Having thatconversation early and having a plan just makes life so much easier as youget older and you grow in the relationship and maybe kids areintroduced into the relationship and things begin to change. You know youous continue having that conversation yeah and it's important to have thatconversation as a couple, because, as I you know you're talking earlier in thatquestions, what does returnment look like? Well, all the pictures I see John,is I'm going to have this really. You know this thirty two foot sailboat on abeautiful island and my wife and I are going to be sitting on the edge Youw,Danglin or feet drinking wine. Looking out the sunset, that's what retir itlooks. Ike, because that's all the pictures I ever see about it. That maynot be my retirement right. So it's...

...important for Jill and I to talk aboutwhat is our retirement look like, and what do we want to do because frank,Li'd, rather just travel and see my kids and grandkids than be on somesallboat personally, but it's. What does it look like for us andthe only reason we've gotten to that point is because we've actually thoughtand talked about it. So you're doing good good work there toget couples to talk about money and retirement. With some of thesequestions, what do you have another great question? BCAUSE said I love this.What does retirement look like, but also what dies your spouse like orenjoy? Those are great questions. What anything else yeah. Well, whenever I have a couple thats,maybe struggling with, I don't really understand. What's his touchy feeligstuff, you know and ther they're having trouble I'll shrow him a picture I'llshow him picture of like say the Colorado Mountains and then I'll showhim a picture of you know a lake and then a picture of of the the SALBOATand I'll say which one of these appeals...

...most to you, eight to nine times out of ten. Theypick different pictures. Yeah well, casin hop o. If I did that with you andyour wife and I found somebody scuba diving and somebody doing you know,crossdads or whatever your wife likes right, you're going to chick, takeScoba diving, your wife's, like not a chance, dude. Well, there's a great opportunity for adate night with your spouse to talk about money. How about that? That's right, exactly yeah and thenthen you kind of get it once they see those pictures that alaost always getsome started and once they get started Welle's. Let's forget about money.Let's forget about how much things cost all right. Let's just say you pickedthe mountain, so log cabin in the mountains. You want to go camping. Whatdo you want to do, and so, oh they pick d love to have a lot of cabins, sit bythe fire and the winter whatever, and then the other trusts like itus cold. Idon't want to do that, so you get in...

...the deeper deeper conversation as well.Okay, let me kind of come to meeting of h mines right. Maybe they spend sixmonths in the mountains and six months on the beacher or whatever you know,you don't have to decide this stuff in one sitting to your point: Don't Playnyour whole retirement all at once, but you might come to sort of a meeting ofthe minds. Okay, what does okay say? You're sitting there in front of thatfire, Michael and and you you're sitting there and you've got maybe yourfavorite book or whatever. Maybe you got your skis next to you for the nextmorning? Whatever might be, how are you feeling what howds that make you feel you don'thave to worry about? You don't have to worry about where your next paycheckscoming you're retired. How do you feel I like Y, warm and Cozy Yeah Ik? Feel warm andcozy is good. IIT GETS people really. Another thing that tends to happen ispeople just look at it is such a huge goal based on where they are now orlike. I can never make it that's right.

Yes, he with consistent planning and execution. You can do a lot of thestuff yeah. Well, that's there's that word again, John consistance. Thatseems to be your word, which is really good, because about that you know wedid an episode a couple. A couple. F episodes go about H, the three lives ofretirement. I throw fourth one and you just throw a fifth one in of I cannever get there what you know. That is a lie because you can with properplanning and consistency, and you start early that you know and the thing what youjust sai and I hope somebody I hope they hear this- is your plans canchange, but the deal is if you're, saving for that retirement, you're,saving this pot of money, you're living your lifestyle, but that pot of moneycan be used for whatever you want. You may change and say you don wantowe'renot going to go to the mountains, we're going to take a mission trip to toGolly as a couple we're gonna be there for month, and we want to do that.Every year, okay, great, take Tup there...

...you go, but you say for Youv plannedfor you been consistent when you hit retirement, guess what that's? When youreally make the that's when you execute whatever plan you want you've madeplans for the last thirty years, consistently right: okay, hat's right, exactly that's how it getsdone! You can accomplish it. I always tell my kids can't never could doanything. Can't never could do anything, and Iwrite that that. Can I use that with my daughters? Yes, you can. You can steal that one can't never could do anything. My Wife,the homeschool teacher, will really love that English, but that's okay. Itgets the point across yeah, ight and I'm sure we'll have aconversation around the English language. Yes right, it won't be about money.It'll be about my my mogebulaand I'll, just blame John, but that's okay. Solet me...

...just encourage people Dohn reach out toyou and go to your website, Guardian Rock Weltcom, and have a conversationwith John, because he'll help you have a conversation with your spouse tostart talking about retirement and money and how to do it and how to planand how to be consistent, because you really can do a lot of things when youstart and whether you're, young or old. Today's the day to begin, if youhaven't already John, can help you guardian rockwelthcom, reach out to himJohn Thanks again for a great episode around tips for discussing a retirementand money with your spouse. Very, very good. I'm sure we'll come back to thisone, because it's really important thanks, Butdyng all right! Thanks a lot we'll see younext time, all righty. So thanks for listening to the building your life,podcast with John Brownie be sure to subscribe to this podcast. So each newepisode will be sent to you automagically when it is released, havea terrific day.

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